Trying and Failing
by ThisAccountKillsFascists
Summary: Another webcomic fic! This one features, you guessed it, Quazky! Oh, you wanted Hue? Well he's here too. A story that will feature action! Adventure! Romance! And dank jokes! Oh, and my OC Grey. I hope you like it [Rated M for violence, language, and whatever the hell else I'll put in here.] Leave a review! :D
1. Chapter 1: North

**Trying and Failing, Chapter 1: North**

The cold window did nothing to bolster the mind of the tall, lanky figure standing before it, and as he pressed his hand to the frigid glass, the darkness of space passed it, he looked with those glorious, large eyes at the tiny little ball of dust floating below. Earth, the home he longed so incredibly to reach, and so very far away with the politics of it all.

Hue sighed heavily, as he usually did, but the reptoid that stalked up behind him slowly, silently, wasn't about to put up with yet another grump-slump day of Hue berating himself until Quazky was forced into the usual scenario of comforting him.

Instead, he thought he'd cheer up his friend by pulling a little prank, and so when he sprang, tackled the squishy Grey, distracted as he had been by his own thoughts, there was a clear upset from the startled man as his friend uprooted him and put him to the floor.

"Rrrah! Guess what day it is?!" Quazky shouted, his teeth gnashing in Hue's face as he spoke, that long tongue lashing about, he pinned his friend down and the Grey, as depressed as he was, quite obviously did not appreciate the sudden attack.

 ** _Not now, Quazky,_** came Hue's telepathic reply, but the reptoid ignored his wishes to be alone, instead springing back up to his feet, though Hue didn't move from where he lay, instead his head slowly turned to the side, as he looked longingly back to Earth.

"Nope, definitely now! It's..." Pausing, letting the tension build, Quazky grinned ecstatically, until Hue finally looked back up at him.

"It's Rose's birthday, Hue!"

If it was possible for those huge eyes to get even wider, then right at that moment that is exactly what they did.

 ** _Her... Birthday?_**

"That's right, so get the hell up, man! What are you doing down there on the floor when your girl's ready and waiting for her big, hunky, Grey gift?!" Hue, for a moment, thought that perhaps this was all a lie, a ruse to trick him out of his element, but when Quazky produced a phone from his pocket, turned on the screen, fiddled with it, and handed it down to him, Hue knew he was telling the truth.

There, on some arbitrary social media page, was a lovely picture of Rose, and the admission that today was indeed her birthday.

 ** _Oh no,_** Hue thought out loud, **_I don't have a gift..._**

"No, idiot, I just said it; you ARE the gift! Now get the hell up and get your Circuit on, cuz I made you two a reservation!"

 ** _What?!_** Hue cried, and shot to sit up in surprise. ** _But... But I can't go into public that long! What the hell would happen if Roger found out? How did you even do all this? Does Rose even know?_**

Quazky, ever clever as he was, continued with his shit-faced grinning, breaking it only to stick out his tongue.

"I have my ways," he stated, and proffered a hand to help the tall being before him to his feet. Hue, now ditching his depression for a far more suitable set of worry, took it upon himself to begin pacing the room, muttering about such a date. What would he wear? What did humans even eat on dates?

"Well, actually, I lied. Gracelis has her ways, and you're going to be my cover..." Ah, there it was, the ulterior motive.

"She's finally sneaking out with me for a little night of hot lovin'..." As the stars entered his eyes, and he fawned over his crush, Hue blinked slowly, and looked down at the phone in his hand again. Rose's birthday... As his tiny smile grew over his face, sinking in with the happiness at the idea, Quazky finally took his phone back and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Hue, my man, tonight we hit the town! Double date style! What are you thinking, maybe a movie? Walk on the beach? Or do you just... Wanna be alonnnne..." His tone wasn't subtle at all, and the aggravation that flooded Hue at the thoughts Quazky had just put in his head clearly washed over his features, if only for a moment... The thought of being alone with Rose, what, was he crazy?

 _ **No, Quazky. If we do this, then we do it my way, and we do it quietly. Does Shade know about this?**_ Quazky's flat expression in response told him enough, perhaps he had underestimated the oaf of a reptoid.

"Hue, Hue, Hue... Always with the Shade, and the questions... Can't you just relax for once?" His nonchalant demeanor as he shifted his weight around and hummed softly to himself gave Hue the impression he had suddenly started thinking of Gracelis again.

"Well?" he finally questioned, and Hue looked out the window once more to that little floating orb so distant...

 ** _Call Longus and Don. We're not going to want to mess this up... Which means, we need a distraction. Anything to keep Roger busy long enough._** Hue stepped toward the hall way out of his quarters, and Quazky, arms behind his head, followed along.

"This'll be great! Just me, you, Rose, and... Gracelis..." He really did have it hard for her, Hue thought, he felt more or less like a terrible friend for never acknowledging Quazky's forbidden romance over his own, considering all the reptoid ever did was help him out... But tonight, maybe, he'd be able to help, instead?

But of course, they had to watch out for Majestic goons, as always. When Hue activated his Circuit, donning the appropriate human form, Quazky did the same, and they trotted together toward the transporter room. Lucky for them both, Hue had seen Tone and Shade leaving on some business for the Commander, and they were nowhere in sight right now. All the better, for as they whisked themselves away to Earth, nobody stopped them.

They arrived not too far away from Longus' place, and Quazky dialed his brother's number, the younger reptoid answered almost immediately.

"Hello?"

"Longus! Get your dick out of your boyfriend's mouth, I'm coming up!" he practically shouted into the phone, and Hue pressed the palm of his hand to his face, groaning, as Quazky hung up.

"Was that really necessary?" Hue tried, giving his friend a flat look.

"Is he really my brother?" came the witty response, and Quazky marched triumphantly inside. Hue sighed, and followed him, and in a few more seconds, they were standing in the middle of a living room, Longus had simply unlocked the door, and so they'd walked in, Don greeting them from the couch with a wave of his hand over the bowl of cereal he was currently stuffing his pink face with.

"Humans, so weird," Quazky said, slightly disgusted by Don's puffy, full cheeks, the spoon still stuck in his mouth as he furrowed his brow in annoyance and gave Quazky the finger.

"Longus! Your monkey is being mean to me!" he shouted toward the hallway, Longus poked his head out from his room, giving his brother a look, before he vanished once more.

"Humans don't consider themselves monkeys," Hue stated matter-of-factly, but Quazky just shrugged.

"Longus! What are you doing, man? We need a favor!" Of course he did, did Quazky ever drop by just to say hello?

"One moment," Longus called, and Don finally emptied his mouth enough to speak.

"Hey, guys, you gotta check out the thing Longus found," he said, and as he did so, the reptoid in question stepped out from his room, holding something in his hands, a big grin to match his brother's written on his green face.

As he stepped into the living room, he set it on the coffee table, and both of the other aliens blinked.

"Er... What is it?" Quazky questioned, as he poked the strange, metallic device. It looked like a multi-sided dice, one of those nerdy ones Don used to play that silly role-playing game with his friends on Saturday nights. But it was much larger, and each of the flat faces had an etched symbol in it, thirty two in all. The symbols glowed blue, and they looked oddly familiar...

"Check it out, I looked it up. Those are Egyptian hieroglyphs, real next-level shit," Don said, and Quazky rolled it over, examining them.

"Well, yeah, but what is it?" Quazky questioned again, and Longus shrugged.

"Don't know. Found it deep underground, no idea where it came from... Just kind of... Rolled out from one of the subway walls that was being renovated. My guess is it's some kind of ancient... something." Hue rubbed his chin as he looked it over, he could feel the strange power resonating off of it... Definite high tech stuff.

"Well, whatever, anyway... Longus, we need you and your dork here to create a distraction and get Roger's attention. Think you can handle that?" Quazky questioned, and Longus arched an eyebrow.

"Deal with that dickhead again? Sure. But why?"

Quazky elbowed Hue in the ribs, and he rubbed his side sheepishly.

"Lover boy here has a date tonight, it's a certain special someone's birthday..."

Don groaned loudly as he flopped back on the couch.

"Shit, it's Rose's birthday? I don't even have a gift..." He pushed two of his fingers together, and Longus smiled lovingly. The little squirt was always doing this, he was too nice for his own good. Longus stepped over and ruffled his hair.

"Ah, who cares, anyway? Silly human customs. It's just another day, right?"

Hue didn't seem to agree with that, and he shook his head.

"Not when it's her day," he said, and Don smiled.

"Awww, that's adorable," he fawned, but Longus shoved him roughly into the couch.

"What? It's true. Hue's totally romantic," he said, and Longus rolled his eyes, then leaned against his lover, earning him a kiss on the cheek as Don pulled him closer.

"Rose is lucky, she doesn't have to deal with reptoid smell." Quazky perked up at this, and shook a fist.

"What's wrong with the way I smell, you little shit?!" he inquired, to which Don simply laughed, joined a moment later by a soft chuckle from Hue.

"And what, pray-tell, will you be doing for Rose today?" Longus asked, and Quazky grinned widely.

"Well, I pulled some strings, and got them a dinner reservation over at that steak house that opened recently. You know, the one that replaced that terrible Chinese food place what got caught selling human meat? ...I miss that place..." Briefly both Longus and Quazky lamented the loss of their favorite restaurant, particularly because of the delicacy of human flesh, and Don made a tremendously disgusted face, until they stopped. Hue didn't seem to mind, he understood reptoid diets. And as long as nobody served up Rose's flesh on a plate, he was more than happy.

"All right, kiddo, you've got yourself a deal. We'll kick up some shit with Roger and make him think I'm trying to... I dunno, eat somebody maybe? We'll think of something, just leave him to us." Don nodded in agreement, and Quazky smiled and gave Hue a thumbs-up.

"Thank you so much, you two, I'm sure you know how much this means to me," Hue said, and Don, batting his lashes, gave another sigh of adoration for the romantic Grey. Longus gave him another playful shove, prompting a giggle and a bear hug, and Quazky to point into his own mouth, faking a gag.

"Get a room, seriously," he said, and Longus gave him the look only a younger sibling might muster for their stupid older brother.

"Uh... You're in my house, Quaz?" he said flatly, and Quazky threw up his arms, and turned to walk away.

"Yeah, you're right! Fuck this place! Let's go, Hue." As the pair left their home, Hue trailed slightly behind, taking one last, long look at the strange object on the table.

There was something that wasn't quite right with that thing...


	2. Chapter 2: And Immediately South

**Trying and Failing, Chapter 2: And Immediately South**

The silence of the genetics chamber was broken by the hiss of the doorway as the metal slid open, and the Commander stepped inside. EBE1, as the humans called him, wasted no time in stalking with his ever longer legs over to his charge on the opposite side of the room, who was working tirelessly at her project that had been assigned to her, pouring over her endless instrumentation, looking hectic. Shade was no failed geneticist, but right now, EBE1 was very certain that was exactly what she was doing.

 _ **Shade, how is the experiment coming along?**_ the Commander asked, and Shade, briefly glancing over her shoulder with her narrow eyes, would have easily been upset at his presence, if she could have been. In either case, it was not good that he was here, now, because her particular experiment... Was a complete failure. She stepped back, allowing him to step in, and he leaned over the table at the specimen that lay there, examining it with arms crossed behind his back as he rolled his head from one side to the other, looking all the way down the form.

 ** _Too tall, too thin,_** he said to her, and she straightened noticeably at his commentary on her flawed approach. This had been the first time that Shade had attempted work with her own genetic material, she couldn't have predicted what the effects of the chemical enhancements might have been. It was also the first time she'd attempted to enhance a cloned Grey's brain, and the Grey, laying on the table, was not yet awake, under the effects of her procedure. It had gone well when he was first in the cloning vats, but as soon as she had administered the enhancement to his brain, the side effects had warped his growth in unforeseen ways.

 ** _This is a male, Shade. How did you make a male out of female genetic code?_** The Commander was obviously not pleased, and he raised his metallic arm to his face, his tiny bits of real emotion showing through as he looked to be frustrated at the outcome.

 ** _I could not foresee this outcome,_** Shade admitted, and mentally berated herself for mixing the Mercury in incorrectly. Always a touchy element, that one. She stared unblinking at the Commander, as he lowered that pointed claw, running it over the jumpsuit of the new Grey, from his groin to his forehead, as if measuring his height. He was practically as tall as the Commander himself, though that was a hard mountain top to scale indeed. However, he was far too thin, his head seemed slightly larger than the other Greys because of this, although it wasn't.

His eyes...

The dark ellipses of his eyes were tilted at the wrong angle, the inner corners reached too high, the outer too low. It gave him the appearance of a sad or worried expression, his mouth cornered downward on only one side, unlike the usual frown the others wore, and his eyes were just as thin as Shade's.

 ** _Well,_** the Commander chimed, turning toward her. **_Wake him up._** She could only obey, and so she nodded, and reached over to press a button on her lab console, commanding the injection arm to lower, pressing a needle into his neck, flooding his system with a counter active anti-sedative, and slowly, the light came back into his eyes. They reflected a deep, royal purple, and Shade's failure to so much as reproduce a proper color for a Type One Grey stabbed at her conscience.

 ** _He practically looks like Pigment,_** the Commander stated, and Shade's head whirred with any sort of excuse she could give to keep herself from being insulted further by her lack of quality in her work. The Grey, coming to, slowly rolled his head to the side, and brought one long, thin arm to his forehead.

 _ **My head feels...**_ He said, and EBE1 paused from where he had been about to help the Grey up. _**Your head... Feels... What?**_ he questioned, and the new Grey, glancing slowly around, noticed one of the restraining belts, loose and lying on the table. He reached over, and grasped it, and brought it up to his head, tightening the belt about his cranium like a headband. Both Shade and the Commander stood, confused, watching their new subject as he slowly sat up.

 _ **That is better,**_ he stated simply, and looked between the two of them, the artificially embedded memories told him who he was looking at.

 _ **Hello Shade, Commander,**_ he stated flatly, and when neither of them answered, observing him instead, he tilted his head. His sad expression made him look as though he was feeling upset by this, and EBE1 stepped forward and reached out for his arm. Grasping it, he brought up his wrist, and dragged one claw across his palm, scratching it. No reaction, like Hue might have had, to pull away... Very curious, but at least he wasn't emotional.

 ** _Pain. That wasn't very nice of you, Commander,_** the Grey stated, and EBE1 looked over at Shade. He thrust the arm he held down forcefully, it was so easy to move that it bounced heavily off the table he sat upon, as thin as it was.

 _ **He's too light,**_ the Commander chided to Shade as he stalked past her, giving her one sidelong glance that obviously told her she was in trouble, as she left her with her new worker. _**See if Light here can do his job,**_ he stated as he left the room, and so it was that the moniker had stuck.

 _ **I must've done something wrong,**_ Light stated from his place on the table. _**But not as wrong as you.**_ The uncharacteristic insult had Shade's curiosity suddenly piquing, what had he just said? Light stood, his abused arm flopping against his side weakly as he did so, and spun about, looking around the room.

 ** _This place is ugly,_** he stated, and Shade's head tilted. What on Earth was wrong with this one? His brain was not working properly, surely, and the belt wrapped about his forehead made him look like a complete imbecile. _**Light, take that belt off of your head,**_ Shade commanded, and Light, looking back to her, tilted his own head to match her angle. _ **I must look ugly too,**_ he stated, doing as she asked, but his drooping expression only made him look like a depressed, self-hating human, even if he appeared just as incapable of emotion as she was. He dropped the belt on the floor, and Shade watched as he simply stood there, before she tapped her foot twice in impatience.

 _ **Aren't you going to put that belt back where it belongs?**_ she asked, and he looked down where it had coiled at his feet, then back up to her. He paused, before he realized she was waiting on him to move. _**Oh, yes, of course,**_ he said, and leaned down, picking it up, before he belted it back across his forehead, the other Grey couldn't believe what she was seeing. There was no way this failure of a specimen could possibly do his job right if he couldn't follow a simple order... But the Commander's orders were the ones she knew she'd have to follow, so it was time to see what he could do.

 _ **That is not where the belt belongs,**_ Shade commented, and as he looked at her, he raised one hand to gesture toward her as he spoke. _**And I do believe that this is not where your eyes should be, why don't you enjoy the ugly room around you more?**_ he asked, and as he referenced the emotion, she almost wished she could feel the frustration that would have undoubtedly built up inside her should her emotionless state not be the reality. Instead, her sense of wasting time kicked in, and she walked with her own long legs passed the taller, thinner Grey, and over to a cloning vat on the other side of the chamber.

 _ **Come, Light, you must perform the task you were made for,**_ she said, and he joined her over at the console, while she operated it. The lights at the bottom of the vat turned on, illuminating the specimen inside, and already he seemed to be thinking of his task, as he raised his hand and touched the glass. A good reaction for a Grey to have at an imperfect specimen before them, she noted, and the clone inside, growing as it was, slowly, warped with human DNA, floated about gently in the green, glowing liquid.

He stepped to the side, his longer legs carrying him to the computer on the wall in one large stride, and immediately began tapping at the controls for the surgical instruments and examination hardware. He loaded the biological blueprint of the creature, and the injection arm moved, as did the scanner, he was searching for the organ layout proper. Good, she thought to herself, maybe he wouldn't be a complete waste of their time after all? As long as he could at least perform his intended purpose with some skill, they wouldn't have to break him back down into his organic material. Originally, he was intended to be far more intelligent than Shade, as her experiment would have augmented his neural network to run nearly twice the speed of her own, however his work seemed a bit slower, more calculated as he thought of what to do next.

But, after the mechanical arms inside the vats did their jobs, moving and injecting and scanning and whirring, he stepped away from the panel, and gestured toward it for her to take a look at his work.

On the screen she saw the intended results of his work, and the screen displayed that there had been a change to both the placement of the heart, and the lungs had been altered, the outcome display dictated that in twenty seven Earth days, their efficiency would increase by six percent, and the circulatory system would benefit by a factor of twelve percent. She looked from the screen, back up to Light, and the belt on his head tilted with it as he rocked it to the side. She looked back at the screen to make sure what she'd read was right, and again back to him.

 _ **You look surprised,**_ he stated, and Shade would have blinked if she had eyelids. She actually slightly was, by that statement, she supposed, though the form of it she felt was more or less a logical thought process of how unexpected the situation had become.

 _ **I cannot be surprised,**_ Light, she retorted, and he shrugged at her. _**If I threw you a surprise birthday party, you might be.**_

She still could not believe this one. How was it that he could speak so strangely like this? Was something wrong with his neural word association? To test the theory, she decided to state a random word, thinking first of a tree down on Earth.

 _ **Bark,**_ she stated at random, and Light simply stood there. After a few seconds, he replied.

 _ **Are you a dog? Because you're starting to seem like one.**_

The insult might have even touched her cold heart slightly if Hue had been here to laugh at her. She straightened up, as her logic dictated her response.

 _ **Canines are filthy animals, and have no place on this sterile ship,**_ she retorted, in an attempt to refute his insult, but Light merely stared with that depressing look at her, before he looked away, to the empty vat next to the one they'd been using to test his skills.

 _ **If you want, you can climb in there, and I can move your fingers to your head to give you ears. You would make one sterile canine, but it would make you more unappealing to look at than you already are.**_ At this statement, she reached out, and ripped the belt from his head, throwing it across the room and onto the table where it belonged. _ **I cannot believe how much I have failed here,**_ she said. _**The Commander will not get rid of you with your positive results, and yet here you are, the least logical Grey I have ever created. You make no sense what so ever, Light.**_

 _ **Well of course I don't,**_ he replied, _**I'm not a human, and require no money.**_ His play on words was grinding her patience, but in a sudden wave of relief of this fact, the door to the chambers slid open once more, and a tiny Grey stepped in, his yellow eyes peering around. It was Tone.

 _ **Unexpected,**_ he said as he noticed Light standing there, now looking over at him. He knew the Grey's name, but he knew that Tone knew not what he was called yet. So he decided he would introduce himself.

 _ **Hello, tiny noise, I am Light,**_ he said, and Tone's head slowly, ever so slowly, turned to Shade. **_What did he just call me?_** he asked in legitimate confusion, and Shade rose one hand to her own face, touching it if only to keep her from ejecting Light out of the nearest airlock.

 _ **Tone. He... He apparently thinks your name is the other human meaning for the word. And to him, you indeed are tiny.**_ Tone stared up at Light, raising one slender arm to rest his hand on his own head.

 _ **He looks...**_

 _ **Like a failure?**_ Shade cut him off. _**He is. However, his intended purpose has been fulfilled. Six percent, and...**_ She glanced back at the console, his numbers had dropped ever so slightly as the calculation algorithm corrected itself to lessen the chance of error in the outcome results. _**Eleven percent.**_

 _ **That does not sound like failure, Shade,**_ Tone responded, and she stared down at him, looming. _**It isn't. I am,**_ she finished, and stalked quickly from the room, leaving the two standing alone, silently, if any human had been there to see them right then, they might have begun to feel rather awkward.

 _ **So how are you, Tone?**_ Light asked, and Tone, looking about the room, lacking his overseer, finally looked back up to Light, shrugging. _ **I suppose I am now out of work. How may I assist you?**_

 _ **I believe you can help by reporting my results to the Commander,**_ he responded, and Tone nodded slowly, but tilted his head curiously as he noticed the belt across the room, out of place as it was. In either case, it wasn't his place to question, but as he turned to leave, he was filled with questions indeed when Light, lacking anybody to stop him, paced over to the table and replaced the belt in the spot where it had been before, tying it about his own head.

 ** _Why are you wearing a belt on your cranium?_** Tone asked, and Light glanced over his shoulder at him.

 _ **Why are you still here? It makes the room smell strange,**_ he replied, and Tone, receiving a question from a question, was confused yet again. Light was right, he should leave. And so, he did. As Tone walked down the hall, leaving Light alone in the cloning chamber, he felt rather strange in doing so. The look on his face... It was like a human in suffering, it almost seemed wrong to leave him alone. But, Tone, lacking in caring, continued about his duty, and reported the results to the Commander whom had been in his quarters for some time now. As he delivered the results at the doorway, EBE1 slammed his fist against the bulkhead he was standing near, not very amused by this turn of events.

 _ **Wonderful. A failure who does his job better than the failure who created him... At this rate the entire species might as well fly this ship straight into this system's Sun. Tone. Summon Hue, I must speak with him.**_

 _ **I cannot, sir,**_ Tone replied, and EBE1 strode over to him, standing tall and large over him, glaring down at him with those unchanging, yellow eyes. _**What?**_

 _ **Hue is gone yet again, slipped away when nobody was looking, I suppose.**_

 _ **And who let him out?**_

Tone brought pause to himself at the question, and he looked away for a moment as he pondered the question.

 _ **I suppose I did.**_ _ **He asked me yesterday to open a connection to Earth, and I believe I had left it open, so he could return. I did not close it, as I was busy when he got back. He must have left again in a very short order. I think he was only going there in the first place to ease his mind at the time. You know how he is. If only he would stay on Earth and do the species a favor.**_

EBE1 could hardly think about a solution to this problem. Tone's suggestion of abandoning Hue simply would not do. As different as he was, he was still needed.

 _ **Tone. Go get Shade. She is to bring him back as swiftly as possible. I expect Shade not to fail me this time. To ensure this is successful, she will take Light with her. Now leave me.**_

The Grey did exactly as he was commanded, and turned to leave. EBE1, upset by the turn of events and the failures of his crew, moving to the window, placing a hand to the window. _**Philena,**_ he thought to himself, _ **If only you were here right now... What would you think of me? Could you still accept me, could you still see me as useful? I am the real failure... Philena, if only you were here to say the right thing...**_

He remembered a time when he could see her smile, hear her laugh, her voice as she would tell him things... About where she grew up, she had a home, she had had a family, they had reproduced to create her... And here he was, the last of his kind, yearning simply for the one who understood this fact, who had struggled to make him feel so much less alone...

And here he was, all alone again...

 **[Author's Note: BOOM! OC in the house! Holy crap, he's so fun to write! His constant off placed association of words and phrases is just a joy to play with. May I introduce you to Light, the dark Grey. (that's my title for him) I hope anyone reading this likes him~ he is my baby. I have artwork for him that I will put up when I place this fic onto AO3 when I can finally get an account. Also; Emy, if you're reading this... HI! :D]**


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